today i dialled one no for appro 200 times in four hours and still god is giving me the energy to dial it again and again... just wanted to listen someones voice .. just wanted to talk to someone.. just wanted to explain someone...pray to god that he keeps on giving me strenth to dial it again and again...
I never thought i would be so down with my own dignity that i had to speak such words which i had never spoken to anyone till date ( except her in past ) and still she wont value my single request to talk ... for the first time in my life i felt worthless for her.. but still cant think anything wrong abt her.. and keep on loving her
What makes me feel bad is ..after such a long relationship of ours.. i couldnt prove my love to her.. she couldnt beleive how much she was important to me.. one random perception abt something decided the fate of our relationship.. i had never thought that the fate of such a beautiful relationship would be decided with such conclusion of single event.
i wanted just to speak once to her.. for which i offered all my possible requests... and something else ( which i cant even term in words )... i just wished i could forget something in my life then these requests would be the one which i would like to forget since i have gone down so much being possessive abt the relationship
I dont know what is it all about .. i just know one thing and one basic fact that i love her.. i can never forget her.. i dont know whats true .. but it could be easier for her to forget all this but for me its gonna be tough.. she had asked me a question last night that whether i have lied to her.. i said no i havent lied to her anytime till date.. now i feel hope i would have lied today.
I dont know why.. but still i would keep on loving her for the rest of my life.. reasons are
1) I beleive in basics which are still clear that she loves me and she cant ever forget me nor can i , we had been integral part of each other.. so she cant forget me and i cant forget her.
2) i know she always wished good for me and will wish good for me.. so would i
3) she would always remain the same girl in my life with whom i have experienced the best days of my life..
4) she is and she will remain my BABU .. for the rest of my life.. no one can take away our memories.
Todays night is gonna be very long...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Consciousness is the method to achieve the goal. And when you're really free, you are a master, slavery disappears. Commonly, we seem free, but we are not free. It may seem that we are choosing, but we are not the choosers. We are being pulled, pushed by unconscious forces.
ReplyDeleteWhen you fall in love with a woman or a man, you think you've decided that that was your choice? You know perfectly well that you can not choose love, can not force someone to love. You are not the master, you're just a slave of a biological force. That is why in all languages is the expression "fall in love - you fall in love, you fall off your freedom, you fall of the inner (selfhood). If love was his choice, you would rise in love, not fall in love. Then would come the love of his conscience, and he would have a totally different quality, a different beauty, a different fragrance.
The common love stinks - stinks of jealousy, anger, hate, possessiveness. It is not absolutely love. Nature is forcing it toward something that is not your choice: You're just a victim. This is our slavery. Even in love, we are slaves, what about other things? Love seems to be our greatest experience, even if this consists only of slavery, even at that, we just suffer.
People suffer more in love than in anything else. The greatest suffering is that it deceives - it creates the illusion that you were the one chosen, and soon, you learn that was not you who chose: the nature played a trick on you. Unconscious forces took possession of you, you are possessed. You're not acting on his behalf: you're just a vehicle. This is the first misery that the person starts feeling the love, and a misery triggers a whole chain of misery.
Pretty soon you'll be aware that you were dependent on the other, without the other you can not exist without the other you start to lose all sense of meaning, significance. The other became your life, you are completely dependent, hence the lovers quarrel continually, because nobody likes to be dependent, they hate this addiction. Nobody likes to be owned by someone else, because it means to be owned be reduced to one thing. All of humanity suffers the simple reason that every relationship continues to cut you, keep doing your jail time smaller and smaller.
Buddha says: This life is not real life. You are being experienced, you're not really living. You are being experienced by the unconscious forces. Unless you become aware, unless you take over your life unless you become independent of their instincts, you will not be a master. And without being a master, there is bliss, life is still hell. "Osho -