fate of relationship

today i dialled one no for appro 200 times in four hours and still god is giving me the energy to dial it again and again... just wanted to listen someones voice .. just wanted to talk to someone.. just wanted to explain someone...pray to god that he keeps on giving me strenth to dial it again and again...

I never thought i would be so down with my own dignity that i had to speak such words which i had never spoken to anyone till date ( except her in past ) and still she wont value my single request to talk ... for the first time in my life i felt worthless for her.. but still cant think anything wrong abt her.. and keep on loving her

What makes me feel bad is ..after such a long relationship of ours.. i couldnt prove my love to her.. she couldnt beleive how much she was important to me.. one random perception abt something decided the fate of our relationship.. i had never thought that the fate of such a beautiful relationship would be decided with such conclusion of single event.

i wanted just to speak once to her.. for which i offered all my possible requests... and something else ( which i cant even term in words )... i just wished i could forget something in my life then these requests would be the one which i would like to forget since i have gone down so much being possessive abt the relationship

I dont know what is it all about .. i just know one thing and one basic fact that i love her.. i can never forget her.. i dont know whats true .. but it could be easier for her to forget all this but for me its gonna be tough.. she had asked me a question last night that whether i have lied to her.. i said no i havent lied to her anytime till date.. now i feel hope i would have lied today.

I dont know why.. but still i would keep on loving her for the rest of my life.. reasons are

1) I beleive in basics which are still clear that she loves me and she cant ever forget me nor can i , we had been integral part of each other.. so she cant forget me and i cant forget her.
2) i know she always wished good for me and will wish good for me.. so would i
3) she would always remain the same girl in my life with whom i have experienced the best days of my life..
4) she is and she will remain my BABU .. for the rest of my life.. no one can take away our memories.

Todays night is gonna be very long...

apprehension... ????

I think i could not properly explain u what my apprehension is all about... my apprehension was never abt the way you love or whether u love me or not... my apprehension was that if something like this small thing could shake your trust on me and our relationship then i just pray to god that he give both of us enough wisdom to handle such barriers if they come in our life..

You know that i love u very much and i am sure that its gonna increase only with no any possibility of dip in it .. i dont have any doubt abt your love to me... so no apprehension abt the love between us.. the only thing is that we have to learn out of such events so that our relationship doesnt have to go thru a rough patch like the way we have had yesterday...

I have always told you that that i am the one who sees the picture of future rather then crying over split milk... and i see u as partner of life with whom i should share my apprehension so the relationship lasts longer and better in the future to come.

You are very important in my life and thats the reason why i kept on calling you and kept on tryin to convince you to talk atleast once with me so i can remove the bottlenecks.. ... you are the person who is very high spirited , who can turnaround the talk and can take away anyone's attention. i am very lucky to have you in my life.

i think i never shared my concerns of continuing relationship or discontinuing our talk or doubting abt my promise of meeting u once in year... so if u ever conclude anything out of my talk like this then pls understand that i never meant it at all..

i think its not matter of owning someone... i still feel that i own you and will own you in future in my own way inspite of someone else in yr life.. i think we will have to learn seeing each other as an individual rather then seeing someone as owned by someone else.... i understand things are not that easy but i think we dont have any other way out... either we have it or we dont have it..and i am sure that we want to have it.

You always say that u have lived yr life in these 100 days and u dont want anything if things dont stay as they are... but i am not the one who is satisfied with this 100 days.. i would always want 1000000 sets of such 100 days.. because beyond which we would no more be in this birth of life lolzzz and u know whats gonna happen in next birth lolzzz

i am still hungry for this relationship so always think very long term abt it.. its not like a college relationship where two meet and depart... this relationship is gonna stay here and i am committed to take it to newer heights every time.. every day .. every hour... every day .. every month and every year.. i cant ever be satisfied with these 100 days only...

You dont have to be satisfied with my pics only or with my news only as to how am i doing in my life.... i told u that i am ready to do anything and everything to keep this relationship as it is right now... i know things will change in future.. but neither wil my love nor my passion to maintain the relationship at its best...

You should never worry who is gonna be in my wife.. there is no comparision with you since u are the BEST and i am not saying this just for the sake of saying it.. i avoid all other time pass girls just because u are the BEST for me.. and i just wish i make u feel it and make u realise it.

I have got so much of love from you that i have yet to give u more to reconcile the same .. but u know whenever i give u love.. u tend to give me double of what i give u so i end up piling up the deficit every time and now i think i have a lot of love to be tendered to you to come at equal level lol.....

else u know in love ... u tend to like to do what the other person likes .. u always tell me that i follow whatever u say .. but you know i love to follow you .. i love to do what u say.. i love to cook breakfast for u .. i love to go to place u like .. watch movie u like.. eat what u like.. wear what u like..

u said u behave overjealous and overposseisve abt me....and why cant u say that u come right now.. ??? u have all rights to ask me... and i tell u that u have all rights to feeel overpossessive abt me.. i would just say that comparisions would always lead to confusion nothing else... i also used to do it with yr friend ( r*nk) but now i realise that i enjoy it better when i dont feel jealous because in my heart i know that u love me the most ...

love u the most... just one request that whenever we have any differences we will forget it on the very next day and will be what we were when we met for the first time

love u the most...

yours and yours only in our world and u are mine and only mine in my world

My First Karwa chauth

Today is my first karwa chauth and my babu doesnt know that I am fasting for him. The other day he said if any gal says ......ki karwa chauth ka fast rakha hai .....to ........infact I also felt silly to see unmarried peopple keeping fast but today I realised if you are too much in love you feel good doing all this...I am happy fasting for you. I want to fast for your well being and your prosperity.
I loveyou so much that I have started believing in all rituals old/new sab kuch :):):)

Last night had the feeling that as long as we are together whatever little time, will think that you are just mine and me yours...our world, just u me n our betu. Three of us, happy together in our own world where there is only love, pure love
I am sure nobody wud have loved the way we do.

I respect you for so many things. I like all the things that you do for me, even the kisses are so gentle one me that it feels heavenly.

today just one prayer, Next birth all my vrats for you.:):):) and hope next birth main aapko bhi acha lagega......

love u lots,
HDMS

Most Precious Weekend of My Life...

I am going thru the best days of my life which i will treasure with me for the rest of my life.. and the last week was the best one till date in my life....

Stretched weekend with Monday as holiday.... then came Friday as another holiday , the weekend started from thursday itself... i got a great surprise of my life from her when she got two tickets of the movie i wanted to watch... i could really sense that how much each of my single word valeued to her... the best surprise till date and that too such a movie where she just glued to me on every scene of that scary movie... i can't forget the entry of the ghost and thank him for such a scary entry since she just glued to me , i wish all movies could be such scary movies with end no of ghosts so all such scenes can end up with great hugs with her..... then in interval i asked her to stay there and i will bring water but she said no she will be scared to sit alone lolzz.. and i laughed then and held her hand and we went outside to buy popcorn .. laughed on those who had bought bucket of popkorn ( as always lolzzz )........ and again we started watching movie..

on friday..started with our morning walk with light talk and then..... with worst breakfast although she says it was the best ( she loves me so she says it... else it was worst lolzzz ) ... we went out for some fun at mall called infiniti mall roamed around...these days i like to wear wht she recommends... in my entire life i had never thought that i would ever wear something diff ... but i did .. i love to do wht she says.. bought brown shoes .. short shirts.. i love to do what she recommends..... and trust me i never thought i would look so good with all this that u have chosen.... feel proud while walking with u .

to be continued...

Promise for life time...

you asked me abt my promise to meet agter 25 yrs... but let me ask somethign more from you.. and that is we will meet atleast once in a year...

and let me tell u one thing... if someone told u are the other woman in my life.. my reply is staright u are an equal woman in my life and would remain equally important in my life.

i consider myself a very lucky person to have u in my life and i am sure i would have done something good so i have recieved such a beautiful gift in my life.

Most Precious Moments of Life....

These days am on my life time high moods...... these are the most precious moments of my life.. and i shall keep the same in pandora so no one can steal the same.

I wish the clock could be reversed and can be taken back to say for 15 years back and i could have started my relationship w.e.f from the reversed day only , i would have chosen her as my life partner from that day itself and we would have able to store more in the pandora box.

i had never thought in my life that the relationship can be so open , transperent still so much loving ... when i started to get into this relationship i thought it to be a separate relationship and thought i would tackle it this way .. but in between once i thought shall i be able to tackle it this way or not... and trust me i thought i would not , but trust me with mutual support we have been able to keep the relationship so beautiful that if i see our relationship as a third person i would envy it.

the kind of love and care we share for each other inspite of such trasperency ( presence as well as future ) .. is really amazing and loving. we have also come far long way and have had hindrances and fights in between .. but what i have observed is that these days we hve been able to understand better and the differences have reduced.

Sometimes our relationship looks like a fairy tale story but i now feel that its gift of God to both of us and God wants us to nurture it this way only and treasure it for life time thats why God couldnt see us away from each other for more then a day since we have met.

Trust me.... you are a very special person for me and will remain the same special person for me rest of life..... come what may.... i always dreamt to handle the relationship in the best of its way and i think we are doing it.. and we will keep on doing it.

i have promised myself that i shall never let this relationship go thru tough times for more then a day or two in future also ( differences are bound to come but its how we resolve and reunite)

I feel very special with you and love to come back ASAP and talk with you ... u make me very specail although i fail to make u realise so , but trust me i am improving.

love u immensly....

Everything exclusively and entirely for you

My dear betu,

I want to let you know that anything that makes you happy makes me happier.

Never for a fraction of a second I ever wanted you to remove pics .....I truly want you to get the love of your life. I know how it feels to loose somebody who you love so dearly and dreamt of being together all your life.I wish you get everything you ever wanted.

My love for my best buddy would always remain as it is now, lil jealousy that I have in me I should be able to overcome in the coming days....read somewhere...if love is true...we may not be together sharing the same roof but we share a common feeling of wishing the very best for each other.

I wish the stars, the moons and most importantly a bright sunshine making you smile all your life. .....you are allowed to miss me at times :):):) since you will be missed for the rest of my life.

Best letter of my life

Dear MS...

I am not a writer neither have i written anything till now in my life..

I dont know what it is all abt and how it started ... may be we never thought it would be so beautiful..

The first day at India Gate -- Three Tea... one mobile lost ( special expressions post mobile lost and i lied to make u cheer again that company will pay )..... then movie was really great.... the start was so good.. but we never thought that the upcoming journey would be better then this....




God also favoured us when we didnt get tickets anywhere , god managed us to get two last tickets cancelled by someone ( if u recollect )


subsequently come the late night coffee at coffee shop .. an amazing idea ... when thought i never thought it would be so good... but was awesome except the tought green mirch which was difficult for me to handle and very easy for you ... lol.....then comes the day at Marine Drive... something i will never forget in my life.... u were on air.. u know u were behaving like a free bird... who wanted to fly who wanted to run and who wanted to enjoy every moment of her life... and i learnt and realised this from you...


then comes the tour to chowpaty... again the feeling of hovering around it was really something i will always cherish..... yr fight with menhndi wali girl... our collective ragda petish.. then chana.. then that kacha aam.. or whatever u call it...




The best one was our journey to Shirdi..... - i can still recollect how happy u were when i said lets go and when we went together to that place... i think all these things are destined... may be god wanted me to come there and thank him for you. the journey itself was so good.

i think the list is endless.... but you know somethng the feelings, fun , emotions were same all the times......

I can never forget the return trip and my visit to you from delhi...... it was the best among all and will nver forget it..

our frequent visit to inorbit and hovering around there for fun....

the best part of entire journey was we never felt that we were not enjoying each others company... i have got a habit of now sleeping for not more then 5 hrs and driving atleast 50 kms. a day lol

someone had told me that all good females get married up before 25 .. lol .. but i would say the best one is yet to.. lol

I shall never forget the movies we have had together.. and the daily doze of ragda petish ( dont worry u havent gone fat ).

I will never forget you not eating all panipouri... leaving water bottle half... not eating entire lunch whold going to shirdi.. lol..... the account remains to be settled..
we have had a lot which cant probably be described in words..( e.g. me wathching or gazing at you ) etc....

cant forget two best dinner of my life .. .bhindi and alu ( especially the last one ).. the flowers bargained by you .. the choc ,.. the ice cream... lol


I would only say that we have many more desires and aspirations to complete.... i dont know how future would be once u are to Cal...... but am sure someday our agenda to complete the remaining ones will be thru.......

I DONT WANT TO FORGET THE MEMORIES WE HAVE HAD... I WANNA CARRY THEM ALONE WITH ME FOR REST OF LIFE.... AND I WISH TO CREATE MORE OF SUCH MEMORIES........... WE DONT KNOW WHETHER THESE DAYS WILL COME BACK AFTER 2-3 YEARS OR NOT.. SO BETTER ENCASH IT......

I dont know what do u think and what do u plan.... but the only thing i can say is i will be waiting for you all the times..... all the days...

You are Special to me and will always remain special for me... come what may..IN ANY OF YOUR DECISIONS OF YOUR LIFE..... YOU BE REST ASSURED I AM AND I WILL ALWAYS STAND BY YOU.... YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHOM YOU CAN RELY ON WHOM YOU CAN TRUST ON AND WHOM YOU CAN GIVE ALL YOUR WORRIES... ANYTIME ANYWHERE .

I AM AND WILL REMAIN JUST ONE CALL AWAY EVEN IF YOU CALL ME AFTER 10 YEARS FROM NOW....

PLS FIND REMARKS IN COLOUR AS WELL AGAINST YR LETTER IN TRAILING MAIL...

Love
HD

My dear Betu,
I can still remember yesterday and today...I am so in Love in a special way,And knowing that you love me made me feel so high...HD WANTS YOU TO FEEL AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD AND HE WOULD DO ANYTHING TO MAKE U FILLED WITH LOVE.... AND ASSURE THAT NO ONE CAN LOVE U AS MUCH AS HE DOES.Pls note the writer feels....there is something divine...:):):)
But now i feel lost CANT LET U FEEL LOST WILL ALWAYS STAND WITH YOU HAND IN HAND......Don't know what to do..... JUST BE WHAT U ARE AND NEVER CHANGE Each and everyday I think of you...DONT EVER STOP THINKING ABT SOMEONE U LIKEPls note: The writer is not obsessed or depressed:):):) --- I KNOW WRITER IS THE BEST AND CAN COPE UP WITH ANYTHINGI'm trying with all my might...AM ALWAYS WITH YOU IN ALL YR EFFORTS
Because you will be gone.. I WILL NEVER BE GONE....And leave me standing all alone.... I WILL NEVER LEAVE U STANDING ALONE U ARE AN INTEGRAL PART OF MY LIFE NOW....Pls note: The writer doesnt want the reader to feel guilty about it....its life ways of making the writer a better person:), how else wud she know that she was special to HD.......... WRITER IS VERY SPECIAL FOR HD AND HD WILL DO ALL HE CAN TO MAKE HER FEEL THAT SHE IS VEYR SPECIAL FOR HIMAnd i know i've got to face tomorrow on my own... NO HD WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU DURING ALL YOUR TIMES.. IN BAD TIMES HD WILL BE FIRST TO JOIN YOULetting you go even in thoughts, is never easy for me...U DONT NEED TO. JUST TRUST ME AND I WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHINPls note: The writer was and will always be in love with HD... SO DOES HD, NO ONE CAN SEPARATE HD WITH MS.
But i love you so And hence set you free not just in words but in thoughts too( Try to..),The writer wishes it was as easy as writting it, HD DOESNT FEEL SUFFOCATED IN THIS RELATIONSHIP SO THERE IS NO QUESTION OF SETTING FREE.
I know, somedaySomehow,i'll find a way
To leave it all behind me...... NEVER LEAVE GOOD THINGS BEHIND ALWAYS CARRY WITH YOU SINCE TIME WILL NEVER COME BACK ITS HARD TO FIND GOOD MEMORIES AND GOOD PEOPLE ATLEAST HD CANT LEAVE MS BEHIND.The writer knows its gonna be difficult but the writer also believes theres always a dawn after every night.... HD IS ALWAYS THERE WITH WRITE IN ALL HER QUEST FOR LIFE..All the best of you,
The writer does not believe in luck and hates destiny:):):) ... HD BELEIVES DESTINY HAS DONE SOMETHING SO WE SHOULD ACCEPT IT AND FIND OUT THE SOLUTION TO BE WITH EACH OTHER.
Love,
MS

P.S. - WE SHOULD NEVER FORGET MERU AND ITS SERVICES AND THANKS THEM FOR ENJOYING OURSELVES..LOL

My bestest buddy is my love

My dear Betu,

Do not know why but aaj kuch alag sa ho raha hai.....

Betu, You and I both share this beautiful relationship. I know what it means to both of us. One of my friend just called me the other woman in your life.He was talking about social acceptance and all worldly things which I do not understand and I do not want to understand if it means losing you. I care a damn about social acceptance. All I know is with you my perspective to life has changed.
You have been so patient with me, at times my behaviour is just too bad for anybody to handle yet I do not see you losing patience with me.except the day you got a lil angry when I threw the Tea you prepared for me with all your love.

Last night when you came and I looked into your eyes I knew how wrong I was, how mean I was. Inspite of it, you gave me a much needed hug.I know it must have been tiring for you to drive but for me it was like ...we reached so soon.With you time just flies, for me nothing has changed our first meeting which was good 7 hrs long . I love it all. Especially you holding my hand and asking me 'COMFORTABLE' and quietly saying don't worry about job into my ears.This journey has been great.I look upto you for expressing all my feelings. The comfort level is so high that I say whatever weird/weirdest comes to my mind. Sometimes I wonder if you would take me wrong or consider me too fast to talk all such things to you. But I know by now you know me as a person so no worries I can speak my mind out.


You saying things which I do not want to hear in broad day light, trying to pull my legs...I know I always say Faltu bakwas mat kijiye but honestly speaking aap bolte ho acha lagta hai.The best part is when I say you are incapable and stuff and you give me your best smile.
I love it the most.I like you being naughty.I like your sense of humour...when you said that you slept off last night, I truly believed you. I trust you a lot.You are worthy of my trust. No guy would treat any gal the way you treat me.That is the USP of our relationship. There is some unknown divinity.sometimes my wishful thinking says how it would be had we met earlier. No regrets or complaints whatsoever.
I am sure God has some good plans in it. In you I have found my best friend. A friend whose hand I can hold anytime, you remember our deal of meeting when we get old. Now....I want you to make a promise to me. And I am sure if you do make a promise you will keep it, come what may..... I want you to promise me you would meet me wherever you are after 25 yrs.Betu, When I write this I am already thinking how good it would feel to see you. How good it would be to wait.....for you....what will we talk when we meet. Will you hold my hand the same way you held the first time. Will you take me for a movie and manage to get a ticket at a place where all the tickets are already sold out. Will you still not bother about loosing your cellphone? Will you still.............and many more questions and I guess in the coming 25 yrs I would have many more questions to ask you. Will make you drink 10 cups of tea...Will you drink it ?.That is one sweet punishment I have thought of giving you when you meeet after so many years.Be raeady Ok?


Promise naa.....

I love you very much Betu,

My every waking moment in your arms or alone, you entice my thoughts with sweet words and deeds and the gentle kiss that you give me makes me feel like the luckiest woman ever....todays was by far the gentlest :):):).

Hearing your voice brings peaceful comfort and a smile to my face at the mere thought of you. My heart beats for you alone, my betu. If I am not talking to you I am talking about you. I acnt sleep without talking to you and let me tell you I cant do with just 2-3 liners. i need to hear a lot from you. I fought with you the other day because I wanted to talk to you.When our eyes locked for the very first time last night , you rendered me breathless. I experienced a total different me. you have a hypnotic affect on me.
As each moment passes us by, I feel myself drawn more closely to you. The memories we have shared thus far encompass only the beginning as many more will come. You promised me this, it just a repetition of what you say to me :):)My heart is beating fast when I write this and while I was writting our 25yrs wala plan tears were rolling my eyes, silly me but guess this is love. In your absence, I close my eyes and dream of your hug, your hand holding mine and your soft lips pressed against mine. I like your lips the best hence the zipper for my new purse :):):)
You make me feel.......pls find a word

With you I am truly whole, a better human being, learning to be patient, learning to look at the positive things of life. learning to live life....I want to live as much as possible in the earliest possible...I quite like the funda of 30 days of abhi starrer bluffmaster....going by that I have already lived a very good life with you and if i ask for anything more than this it would not be fair...

You are all I have......

Thanks for being in my life....thanks for making it more meaningful.

Always,
MD ( I thought I was in love with my surname untill I met you).